Life gets busy, and this little dwelling for my musings is often neglected. (A lot has happened in the past two and a half years, but that is for a different post[s].)
Yet there are moments, like this evening, when the emotions swirling in my brain need a safe place to land. And so . . . here I am.
One of my favorite past times is to watch people. The little girl whose daddy pushes her in the swing at the park. The gentleman who sips his coffee in the corner booth of McDonalds. The baby who follows my gaze intently over her mother's shoulder as I wait in line to check out at the grocery store.
Often, these casual observations are fleeting moments in my busy days, and my calloused heart devotes little, if any, emotion to them. I usually toss them a friendly smile, and sometimes even a casual hello, all in hopes that a little encouragement could brighten their day. I ease my conscience with the simple truth that there were no opportunities for real conversation; therefore, I did not neglect my Christian duty to share the gospel.
But today is different. I recognized that each of these souls is a story unfolding. And my heart asked a hard question, "How do their stories end?" And the answer troubles me, because I don't know.
I don't know if those individuals have hope. I don't know if they have a serene contentment because their future is secure. I don't know if they have heard the only truth that can offer complete satisfaction in the midst of a troubling uncertainty.
And while I may never be more than a casual observer to some of them, I hope this stirring in my heart grows. I pray that God burdens and enables me to share the greatest chapter of hope that He has already written for their lives. Above all, I want to have such a love for others that I diligently search for opportunities to be more than a passerby in the lives of those around me who desperately need Truth and Life breathed into their souls.
God help me be more than a casual observer; help me to be a deliberate storyteller.
Sunday, November 13, 2016
Tuesday, June 24, 2014
A Typical Evening
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This is the view from my dining room table. Certainly not the most romantic date night ever, but I am so incredibly proud of my college guy.
Saturday, June 21, 2014
Where to begin . . .
I have so many thoughts in my heart and head, and once again I have the writer's bug. The problem? No work at the moment. There are hopes of a fall project for Awana, but I have no contract yet. And, we are reusing a Christmas program from the past this year at church, so my mind is not swirling with a Christmas-themed, family friendly plot.
The past month I have been out of sorts, as if something was off. But yesterday, as I was out for my morning wog (my personal attempt at a jog/walk), I had the following conversation with God. Out loud(yes, I do realize my neighbors think I'm weird).
"Am I missing something in my life? Do I need to confess something?! Lord, I wish I could just sit down and write my heart out ..."
Annnd . .. that is when I finally got it.
I don't need a contract or a deadline to write! I don't need to be given a word count or a topic in order to pour out my thoughts. I don't have to rely on the incentive of a paycheck to formulate my thoughts into complete sentences (but don't get me wrong; remuneration is a a definite perk of the freelancing market!).
I can write for fun. For ME!
So, folks, I am hoping that you will be reading a whole lot more from me in the next few days and months.
It is good to be back! :-)
The past month I have been out of sorts, as if something was off. But yesterday, as I was out for my morning wog (my personal attempt at a jog/walk), I had the following conversation with God. Out loud(yes, I do realize my neighbors think I'm weird).
"Am I missing something in my life? Do I need to confess something?! Lord, I wish I could just sit down and write my heart out ..."
Annnd . .. that is when I finally got it.
I don't need a contract or a deadline to write! I don't need to be given a word count or a topic in order to pour out my thoughts. I don't have to rely on the incentive of a paycheck to formulate my thoughts into complete sentences (but don't get me wrong; remuneration is a a definite perk of the freelancing market!).
I can write for fun. For ME!
So, folks, I am hoping that you will be reading a whole lot more from me in the next few days and months.
It is good to be back! :-)
Friday, February 21, 2014
This Week . . .
. . . was rough.
Beyond the usual "I'm almost at a writing deadline" stressful. Beyond a bad cold or flu stressful.
When your child just isn't himself. When he suddenly develops unusual stomach pain. When he suddenly becomes a fussy, complaining fretful, bundle of nerves. When he throws up sporadically. When he won't eat and won't drink. When your mamma's heart is exhausted and crying.
When the doctor sends you to the ER. When blood work comes back negative for infections but fever spikes. When sonograms reveal something "not quite right" and the diagnosis of appendicitis is given. When you are transferred to a children's hospital for surgery.
When the pediatric surgeon calls for more tests. When appendicitis is ruled out and observation is required. When after numerous bags of fluid and overnight observation your child seems almost 100 percent again. When doctors say you can go home but offer no clear diagnosis (except for a bug/possible constipation --yeah, right! Not this kid!!!!)
When two days later your child begins to show tiny glimpses of the original symptoms again. When he wakes up in the middle of the night crying out and curling in a ball and holding his stomach in pain. Again. When you finally get him back to sleep, but sleep doesn't come to you.
When the next morning he is playful, eats well, drinks well, and pees well.
It leaves a parent completely befuddled, at a loss for what to do or even think.
In moments like this I find that I have two choices. I can let my mind begin to "go there." The place of worry and dread. What if they missed something on the ultrasound? What if one of the tests was a bit wonky? What if . . .
OR
I can reshift my thoughts. I can choose to focus on the things that I KNOW are true.
My unchangeable God loves me and knows me.
That same God created and knows my son better than any doctor on earth could even begin to understand.
My Father God wants only the best for me and my family.
My Rock is strong and sure. He has never abandoned me and will never leave my side.
The first choice is a slippery slope for me. My fears lead to panic. My panic leads to sleeplessness and tears. My anxiety leads to pointless possible scenarios running through my mind.
The second choice allows rest. My trust in my Savior is deepened. My heart experiences peace. I can examine the facts of the situation with a clear mind and seek God's wisdom to make the best decision for that moment.
Does fear of the unknown with my children creep into my life often? You bet! Will I be monitoring Sam closely the next few weeks? Of course! I'm a mom--remember?!
But I cannot let my concerns consume my life. I cannot constantly search my computer to try to find the answers to his unusual symptoms. (Trust me; that is never a wise thing to do!)
There comes a point when I must realize that Sam is not mine, not really. He is ultimately God's great gift to me. My role as his mommy is to love him completely and do my best to raise him to honor and glorify God. Lying awake at night, listening to every breath is not going to keep something bad from happening to him. It is only going to exhaust me and make me less useful in my God-given roles.
I must let go of control and cling to trust. I must beg for wisdom and plead for guidance to know when to seek help and when to sit back and observe his situation.
Lord willing, whatever is up with Sam IS a simple tummy bug. Moments like this when I watch him jumping off the couch and giggling at Jake and Captain Hook makes me think that he is perfectly fine and healthy.
But moments like last night when I am awakened with his piercing cries of pain make me question once again. The little nagging concern underlies the way I observe him.
So today, I am once again faced with the choices above. And today I choose peace. I choose trust. I beg for wisdom and for God to clearly make it known to us if we need to pursue further testing. I choose to love this little guy with every part of me.
And right now, that means it's time to sing and dance to Jake's theme song.
Beyond the usual "I'm almost at a writing deadline" stressful. Beyond a bad cold or flu stressful.
When your child just isn't himself. When he suddenly develops unusual stomach pain. When he suddenly becomes a fussy, complaining fretful, bundle of nerves. When he throws up sporadically. When he won't eat and won't drink. When your mamma's heart is exhausted and crying.
When the doctor sends you to the ER. When blood work comes back negative for infections but fever spikes. When sonograms reveal something "not quite right" and the diagnosis of appendicitis is given. When you are transferred to a children's hospital for surgery.
When the pediatric surgeon calls for more tests. When appendicitis is ruled out and observation is required. When after numerous bags of fluid and overnight observation your child seems almost 100 percent again. When doctors say you can go home but offer no clear diagnosis (except for a bug/possible constipation --yeah, right! Not this kid!!!!)
When two days later your child begins to show tiny glimpses of the original symptoms again. When he wakes up in the middle of the night crying out and curling in a ball and holding his stomach in pain. Again. When you finally get him back to sleep, but sleep doesn't come to you.
When the next morning he is playful, eats well, drinks well, and pees well.
It leaves a parent completely befuddled, at a loss for what to do or even think.
In moments like this I find that I have two choices. I can let my mind begin to "go there." The place of worry and dread. What if they missed something on the ultrasound? What if one of the tests was a bit wonky? What if . . .
OR
I can reshift my thoughts. I can choose to focus on the things that I KNOW are true.
My unchangeable God loves me and knows me.
That same God created and knows my son better than any doctor on earth could even begin to understand.
My Father God wants only the best for me and my family.
My Rock is strong and sure. He has never abandoned me and will never leave my side.
The first choice is a slippery slope for me. My fears lead to panic. My panic leads to sleeplessness and tears. My anxiety leads to pointless possible scenarios running through my mind.
The second choice allows rest. My trust in my Savior is deepened. My heart experiences peace. I can examine the facts of the situation with a clear mind and seek God's wisdom to make the best decision for that moment.
Does fear of the unknown with my children creep into my life often? You bet! Will I be monitoring Sam closely the next few weeks? Of course! I'm a mom--remember?!
But I cannot let my concerns consume my life. I cannot constantly search my computer to try to find the answers to his unusual symptoms. (Trust me; that is never a wise thing to do!)
There comes a point when I must realize that Sam is not mine, not really. He is ultimately God's great gift to me. My role as his mommy is to love him completely and do my best to raise him to honor and glorify God. Lying awake at night, listening to every breath is not going to keep something bad from happening to him. It is only going to exhaust me and make me less useful in my God-given roles.
I must let go of control and cling to trust. I must beg for wisdom and plead for guidance to know when to seek help and when to sit back and observe his situation.
Lord willing, whatever is up with Sam IS a simple tummy bug. Moments like this when I watch him jumping off the couch and giggling at Jake and Captain Hook makes me think that he is perfectly fine and healthy.
But moments like last night when I am awakened with his piercing cries of pain make me question once again. The little nagging concern underlies the way I observe him.
So today, I am once again faced with the choices above. And today I choose peace. I choose trust. I beg for wisdom and for God to clearly make it known to us if we need to pursue further testing. I choose to love this little guy with every part of me.
And right now, that means it's time to sing and dance to Jake's theme song.
Monday, December 02, 2013
Fourteen Days
Fourteen days ago, I sat in my normal seat at church, surrounded by friends and family. Earlier that day, I had casually shrugged off the "severe weather" forecast for our area, so I gave little thought to the rumbles of thunder that began. But there was an eerie difference in the thunder we heard as pastor stepped to the pulpit, around 10:45, ready to begin the morning service. The peals of thunder continued as if it were one long rumble. And soon that sound was accompanied by a faint continuous siren. I looked over to Nat and said under my breath, "I think that's the tornado warning."
Within seconds, emergency alert messages were heard throughout the auditorium as people's cell phones began to go off. And as our church family began to evacuate the auditorium to the safety of the bathrooms in the lower level, I looked down to see the terror in Andrew's eyes. I quickly pulled him to myself and assured him as we walked by the glass doors of the foyer, "See, it is just a storm. Everything is okay."
For the next forty-five minutes, our church family huddled together. Sirens from our town (and distant sirens of nearby towns) continued to go off and on, and although it was windy, I thought we were experiencing a typical storm. Soon church members began to report facebook posts of tornadoes that had touched down in Roanoke, about 11 miles from us. Still, the weather around us seemed relatively calm.
As soon as I got my family (which now included my five nieces and sister-in-law) home and calm, I turned on the local news. Confirmed reports of tornadoes began pouring in, some within miles of our home. Seeing the terror on the faces of the children in my living room, I gathered them around. I reminded them of Psalm 56:3. "What time I am afraid I will trust in thee, in God whose word I praise."
We prayed together, thanking God for the many, many promises of His Word that we can cling to when we are afraid. And in my heart, I began to pray for the many, many friends I have in the areas that were hit by the storms.
Throughout the afternoon I heard from several friends from Washington, Illinois, all of whose homes were spared. Yet each had the same report: whole subdivisions had been destroyed.
That night, my niece, her husband, and baby girl came over to our house to eat, shower, and charge their phones. During the evening service at church, we learned of one in our church family who had lost everything except the clothes he wore and the car he drove to church that morning.
The next morning I awoke to a message announcing that school was canceled due to teachers who were without power and whose homes were damaged or destroyed.
That day, my oldest son's birthday, I cuddled with my boys and my sweet great niece, all the while checking facebook for new updates to the news in Washington.
Over the next few days, I learned that Jack's former second grade teacher and family had lost both of their clothes, their cars, and their home. Images revealed only the concrete slab of their first floor, and the stairs that led to their unfinished basement where the family huddled during the storm.
All the events seemed surreal until I drove by the devastation. Until I saw first hand the remains of homes. Until I understood the memories and sentimental belongings that were lost that day. Until I saw the haggard, exhausted faces of ones who were searching through rubble to find something--anything--worth saving.
And while I am so very grateful that my family is safe and that I have a home, my heart aches for so many. This morning, as I once again drove through streets that were once lined with beautiful homes and manicured lawns, I was humbled to know that my God is good. He is all knowing, He is faithful. He is the Sustainer. He is the author of hope. He is the Victor. And He alone can comfort these hurting people.
As for me, I realize how misguided my thoughts and my intentions have been. I have allowed my gaze to shift from the eternal to the temporal, placing meaningless value on trivial things in life.
So for the next few days (weeks?!?!?!), I plan to refocus and reevaluate. I have deactivated facebook, and I will only periodically be checking email. My prayer is that God will use these days to show me areas in my heart where His hand needs to firmly carve away my selfish desires and plans. I need to reshift my focus and my priorities, and I need to truly learn to appreciate all He has given me.
If you happen to read this, please pray. Not for me, but for those around me. It will be a long, long time for their lives to return to "normal." And as the news crews leave and the volunteers fade, I fear that discouragement and bitterness may take their places. May we believers band together and be quick to share the hope and peace that those who are hurting will find in Christ Jesus.
And may I always, always remember to trust and praise the promises of my faithful Father.
Saturday, December 15, 2012
A Sleepless Night
Tonight my children lay sleeping
Peacefully in their beds.
I rearranged their covers
And gently kissed their heads.
But as I lingered in their doorway
And listened to them breathe,
I realized what a gift it is
To watch my children sleep.
Tonight I thanked the Lord for
Thirty sticky fingers, Thirty stinky toes
And three sets of boyish hands
That I can tightly hold
And while they are only mine on lend
From my Father up above
I’ll cherish every moment
He gives me them to love.
Friday, April 06, 2012
Oh, Dear!
Has it really been over eight months since I have posted anything?!?!?
I guess that goes to show you how many people check out my site. :-)
Don't really know what to say; a lot has happened in eight months. Good, good things.
My husband is still my very best friend, and he is still as handsome as ever.
The boys are all doing well; I will try to give a synopsis of them soon.
I am . . . blessed. God has been teaching me so much lately; may I be a faithful student and apply these lessons to my life!
I am also on a journey to be healthier. I have dropped twenty pounds since October, but this last month I have slacked off a bit.
Hmmm . . . maybe this blog needs to take on a new role, one that may keep me more accountable to my goals?!?!?!?
Nat and I have been bombarded with business, so our goal toward minimalism has sadly slowed down some too. We have been doing well with keeping up on the rooms we have done, but we still have much more than we need!
I am in the process of prioritizing my time and my efforts right now, which is one reason this blog has been sadly neglected. I just need to think through the purpose of keeping a blog. And if I find that it is not a profitable and valuable use of my time, I will sign off permanently.
So for now, this is my life this moment.
And it is good, because my God is good.
I guess that goes to show you how many people check out my site. :-)
Don't really know what to say; a lot has happened in eight months. Good, good things.
My husband is still my very best friend, and he is still as handsome as ever.
The boys are all doing well; I will try to give a synopsis of them soon.
I am . . . blessed. God has been teaching me so much lately; may I be a faithful student and apply these lessons to my life!
I am also on a journey to be healthier. I have dropped twenty pounds since October, but this last month I have slacked off a bit.
Hmmm . . . maybe this blog needs to take on a new role, one that may keep me more accountable to my goals?!?!?!?
Nat and I have been bombarded with business, so our goal toward minimalism has sadly slowed down some too. We have been doing well with keeping up on the rooms we have done, but we still have much more than we need!
I am in the process of prioritizing my time and my efforts right now, which is one reason this blog has been sadly neglected. I just need to think through the purpose of keeping a blog. And if I find that it is not a profitable and valuable use of my time, I will sign off permanently.
So for now, this is my life this moment.
And it is good, because my God is good.
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Monday, May 02, 2011
Stayed upon Jehovah
Wow.
News reports and facebook posts flow in. Comments concerning last night's victory reveal people's true perspectives about God and others.
Where is my mind this morning?
As I watched Sam crawl across the messy kitchen floor I realized just how small my little world has become. My main concerns are not about a terrorist who was captured; my thoughts are on the three little ones whom God has given me to raise. I spent time with Jack before he got on the bus. I mentally planned out what chores Andrew and I needed to complete today. I laughed at Sam's latest accomplishment (opening the cabinets and drawers in the kitchen).
I do live in a bubble, I thought.
Then I remembered Lamentations 3:21-26, and I found myself once again thinking about the words of my favorite hymn.
Like a river glorious, is God’s perfect peace,
Over all victorious, in its bright increase;
Perfect, yet it floweth, fuller every day,
Perfect, yet it groweth, deeper all the way.
Hidden in the hollow of His blessed hand,
Never foe can follow, never traitor stand;
Not a surge of worry, not a shade of care,
Not a blast of hurry touch the spirit there.
Every joy or trial falleth from above,
Traced upon our dial by the Sun of Love;
We may trust Him fully all for us to do.
They who trust Him wholly find Him wholly true.
Stayed upon Jehovah, hearts are fully blest
Finding, as He promised, perfect peace and rest.
I captured this moment with Sam this morning because I needed a mental reminder. Sam knows that he can rely on me to meet his every need, and he is happy and secure in his little bubble.
On mornings like this I need to trust my unchangeable God. Only in Him am I safe in uncertainty, protected in danger, comforted in adversity.
This morning I an thankful that God's mercies are new each and every morning.
May your heart rest and rejoice in God's faithfulness today.
News reports and facebook posts flow in. Comments concerning last night's victory reveal people's true perspectives about God and others.
Where is my mind this morning?
As I watched Sam crawl across the messy kitchen floor I realized just how small my little world has become. My main concerns are not about a terrorist who was captured; my thoughts are on the three little ones whom God has given me to raise. I spent time with Jack before he got on the bus. I mentally planned out what chores Andrew and I needed to complete today. I laughed at Sam's latest accomplishment (opening the cabinets and drawers in the kitchen).
I do live in a bubble, I thought.
Then I remembered Lamentations 3:21-26, and I found myself once again thinking about the words of my favorite hymn.
Like a river glorious, is God’s perfect peace,
Over all victorious, in its bright increase;
Perfect, yet it floweth, fuller every day,
Perfect, yet it groweth, deeper all the way.
Hidden in the hollow of His blessed hand,
Never foe can follow, never traitor stand;
Not a surge of worry, not a shade of care,
Not a blast of hurry touch the spirit there.
Every joy or trial falleth from above,
Traced upon our dial by the Sun of Love;
We may trust Him fully all for us to do.
They who trust Him wholly find Him wholly true.
Stayed upon Jehovah, hearts are fully blest
Finding, as He promised, perfect peace and rest.
I captured this moment with Sam this morning because I needed a mental reminder. Sam knows that he can rely on me to meet his every need, and he is happy and secure in his little bubble.
On mornings like this I need to trust my unchangeable God. Only in Him am I safe in uncertainty, protected in danger, comforted in adversity.
This morning I an thankful that God's mercies are new each and every morning.
May your heart rest and rejoice in God's faithfulness today.
Monday, April 25, 2011
beautiful waiting
Last night during a business meeting we heard the testimony of one of our teens who will soon be baptized. What a blessing to hear this young man vocalize the change that Nat and I have so clearly seen in his life over the past year. As I Andrew sat on my lap listening to Matt he whispered in my ear,
"Mommy, you are saved too, just like Matthew."
I nodded and hugged him close. Then he whispered again,
"Mommy, someday soon I will get saved too."
The seeds of truth have been planted, and while I may not see it every day, I know that my great God is causing His Word to take root in Andrew's heart. God's beautiful work of salvation is beginning in my little boy. May God continue to give us wisdom as we wait for God's timing.
"Mommy, you are saved too, just like Matthew."
I nodded and hugged him close. Then he whispered again,
"Mommy, someday soon I will get saved too."
The seeds of truth have been planted, and while I may not see it every day, I know that my great God is causing His Word to take root in Andrew's heart. God's beautiful work of salvation is beginning in my little boy. May God continue to give us wisdom as we wait for God's timing.
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Springtime
I love spring. I love the first trip to the park each spring.I love, love, LOVE having THREE boys to take to the park.
Here's to hoping that spring and summer are full of sunny days and warm memories!
Here's to hoping that spring and summer are full of sunny days and warm memories!
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Tonight's Conversation
This evening we had dinner with Nat's family. Jack was quiet throughout the evening, a bit unusual for him. Before we left for home, Jack said he read about black holes today in science class. He told me in a quivering voice, "Mom, I am so afraid that we might get sucked into one."
I calmly told him that would never happen, and Jack asked, "But mom, how do you know for sure?
Now, I must admit that my first response was to sigh and say, "Because I said so." Thankfully, I took a moment and recognized the genuine concern of my eight-year-old son. I assured him that once we got home, I would show him how I knew for sure.
A half hour later, I sat on my bed with my son, and we read together several verses from Revelation 19, 20, and 21. I sat in awe as I watched God's Word penetrate the heart of my child. As Jack read those precious promises of how the one caled Faithful and True comes in victory and how God will one day wipe away all tears, I saw fears turn into faith. My little one turned to me and said, "God has the final victory, doesn't He?"
With a grateful heart, I prayed with my son and praised the One Who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
MIA
Tap, tap, tap
Is anyone listening?!?!?
Sorry for the incredibly loooong delay in blogging. I just got a new computer, and my google site made me clear all my cookies before I could log in.
After staring at the same message every time I tried to leave a message on other blogs or every time I tried to enter my own site, I finally got up the nerve to follow the steps and try to sol
ve the dilemma.
(Mind you, this is the first time I have EVER IN MY LIFE done anything like this without my computer techie love's help.)
So I digress. . .
Anyway, now I think I am up and running. Again.
I have many belated posts, and I have new pics of my boys that I want to put up here.
But alas, I have doctor appointments and dentist appointments today.
I also have VBS lessons due March 1st.
So, as I have time (snicker, snicker!) I will slowly get back into blogging.
Here's hoping to catch up soon!
Erin
Is anyone listening?!?!?
Sorry for the incredibly loooong delay in blogging. I just got a new computer, and my google site made me clear all my cookies before I could log in.
After staring at the same message every time I tried to leave a message on other blogs or every time I tried to enter my own site, I finally got up the nerve to follow the steps and try to sol
ve the dilemma.
(Mind you, this is the first time I have EVER IN MY LIFE done anything like this without my computer techie love's help.)
So I digress. . .
Anyway, now I think I am up and running. Again.
I have many belated posts, and I have new pics of my boys that I want to put up here.
But alas, I have doctor appointments and dentist appointments today.
I also have VBS lessons due March 1st.
So, as I have time (snicker, snicker!) I will slowly get back into blogging.
Here's hoping to catch up soon!
Erin
Tuesday, November 02, 2010
Put Away the Scoreboard
Note from the Editor:
Yes, I know that I am sadly failing from posting cute pics and funny anecdotes of Mr. Sam I Am and my life with three sons. But God has been at work in my heart, showing me so many areas that I need to change. As a result, I have been secretly working on a Bible study for some time now, and I am trying to organize my thoughts and my notes written throughout my random journals. I figured this would be one place to sort of "test the waters" with some of the topics that I am working on.
This excerpt is both the opening and closing on my study of Ephesians 4:29-32. God has used Ephesians 4 and 5 to speak volumes to my heart (the part about putting off falsehood has been an especially hard pill for me to swallow, but I will save that for a later post!)
Anyway, please feel free to leave comments. I value others' opinions and input as I strive to put this together, more for my own learning than for that of others.
So, here it is:
Put Away the Scoreboard!
Have you ever been to a baseball game and watched the people in the stadium? Since I am not a huge sports fan (I couldn’t tell you the names of more than three players on my “favorite” team), I often bore easily at these events and choose instead to indulge in my favorite sport: people watching.
You see all different types of individuals: the die-hard vocal fans who leave the stadium hoarse from their cheers and/or groans; the quiet, reserved stoics who take in each play and rarely break out emotions except during especially intense moments of action. But my favorite people to watch at a sporting event are the ones with the scorecard in hand. They not only do not want to miss any of the action, they choose to take part in as much action as possible by keeping track of all the players, their stats, and the runs scored. Those are the individuals who keep a running play-by-play of the action around them.
While this hobby is a well-defined discipline during a game, it is sadly an atrocity in the Christian life. Too many times we carry our own personal scorecards of friends and family around us. Whether we are tracking others’ financial success or personal victories, we mentally place a tally mark on our little scorecard, and a seed of discontementment is planted in our hearts. Then later, sometimes when we least expect it, something happens between us and an individual, and all of the past “tally marks” rush into the forefront of our minds. We are reminded of every time that person has outshined us or made a bribe at us or spoken to us . . . or about us.
We begin to lose sleep over the situation. It becomes an all-consuming focus of our brain. No matter what we do, we just can’t let the situation go. We begin to see that person in a negative light. Everything that individual says now seems like a target pointed directly at us.
What was once a seemingly harmless pastime has led to bitterness and envy. And if the hobby continues, those seeds of bitterness sprout into our hearts, their roots become firmly planted, and their fruit displays itself in our lives in the form of anger, slander, and malice toward that individual. Pretty soon, everyone around us knows the score that we have been keeping.
Is it any wonder that before Paul’s command to be “kind and compassionate” and to “forgive” one another, he urged the Ephesians to get rid of the bitterness in their lives? True forgiveness and restored relationships WILL NOT BE POSSIBLE unless the weeds of envy have been pulled out of our hearts, roots and all.
So today, I ask you: Do you have issue with someone? Is there a competition between you and a friend? Is there someone who just gets under your skin? Do you see the constant error in an individual and feel urged to “make it right” all the time with that individual?
If so, stop keeping score of that person’s life and start to examine your own. Perhaps you have planted seeds of bitterness in your heart. If left unattended that ugly weed will overgrow and kill the delicate fruits of the Spirit that God is trying to display in your life. Your testimony and service to God will be limited as the plant of envy completely overtakes your heart.
Cut down the weed of bitterness at the root. Ask God to rip it out of your heart. Only then will you truly be content with what God has placed in your life, and only then will God be able to use you as He truly desires.
Remember: The ground is level at the foot of the cross. God sees all believers the same on the playing field: through the blood of His Son. Let’s strive to see each other that way as well.
Yes, I know that I am sadly failing from posting cute pics and funny anecdotes of Mr. Sam I Am and my life with three sons. But God has been at work in my heart, showing me so many areas that I need to change. As a result, I have been secretly working on a Bible study for some time now, and I am trying to organize my thoughts and my notes written throughout my random journals. I figured this would be one place to sort of "test the waters" with some of the topics that I am working on.
This excerpt is both the opening and closing on my study of Ephesians 4:29-32. God has used Ephesians 4 and 5 to speak volumes to my heart (the part about putting off falsehood has been an especially hard pill for me to swallow, but I will save that for a later post!)
Anyway, please feel free to leave comments. I value others' opinions and input as I strive to put this together, more for my own learning than for that of others.
So, here it is:
Put Away the Scoreboard!
Have you ever been to a baseball game and watched the people in the stadium? Since I am not a huge sports fan (I couldn’t tell you the names of more than three players on my “favorite” team), I often bore easily at these events and choose instead to indulge in my favorite sport: people watching.
You see all different types of individuals: the die-hard vocal fans who leave the stadium hoarse from their cheers and/or groans; the quiet, reserved stoics who take in each play and rarely break out emotions except during especially intense moments of action. But my favorite people to watch at a sporting event are the ones with the scorecard in hand. They not only do not want to miss any of the action, they choose to take part in as much action as possible by keeping track of all the players, their stats, and the runs scored. Those are the individuals who keep a running play-by-play of the action around them.
While this hobby is a well-defined discipline during a game, it is sadly an atrocity in the Christian life. Too many times we carry our own personal scorecards of friends and family around us. Whether we are tracking others’ financial success or personal victories, we mentally place a tally mark on our little scorecard, and a seed of discontementment is planted in our hearts. Then later, sometimes when we least expect it, something happens between us and an individual, and all of the past “tally marks” rush into the forefront of our minds. We are reminded of every time that person has outshined us or made a bribe at us or spoken to us . . . or about us.
We begin to lose sleep over the situation. It becomes an all-consuming focus of our brain. No matter what we do, we just can’t let the situation go. We begin to see that person in a negative light. Everything that individual says now seems like a target pointed directly at us.
What was once a seemingly harmless pastime has led to bitterness and envy. And if the hobby continues, those seeds of bitterness sprout into our hearts, their roots become firmly planted, and their fruit displays itself in our lives in the form of anger, slander, and malice toward that individual. Pretty soon, everyone around us knows the score that we have been keeping.
Is it any wonder that before Paul’s command to be “kind and compassionate” and to “forgive” one another, he urged the Ephesians to get rid of the bitterness in their lives? True forgiveness and restored relationships WILL NOT BE POSSIBLE unless the weeds of envy have been pulled out of our hearts, roots and all.
So today, I ask you: Do you have issue with someone? Is there a competition between you and a friend? Is there someone who just gets under your skin? Do you see the constant error in an individual and feel urged to “make it right” all the time with that individual?
If so, stop keeping score of that person’s life and start to examine your own. Perhaps you have planted seeds of bitterness in your heart. If left unattended that ugly weed will overgrow and kill the delicate fruits of the Spirit that God is trying to display in your life. Your testimony and service to God will be limited as the plant of envy completely overtakes your heart.
Cut down the weed of bitterness at the root. Ask God to rip it out of your heart. Only then will you truly be content with what God has placed in your life, and only then will God be able to use you as He truly desires.
Remember: The ground is level at the foot of the cross. God sees all believers the same on the playing field: through the blood of His Son. Let’s strive to see each other that way as well.
Saturday, August 28, 2010
From the Lord
"For this child I have prayed, and the Lord has granted me my petition that I made to Him. Therefore, I have lent him to the LORD. As long as he lives, he is lent to the LORD."
Thank you to all who have prayed for Samuel throughout this pregnancy. We are so thankful and blessed beyond measure to welcome this little gift from God.
Thank you to all who have prayed for Samuel throughout this pregnancy. We are so thankful and blessed beyond measure to welcome this little gift from God.
Saturday, August 07, 2010
Random Things, Part 4
I Love Your Daddy
Little One,
Eleven years ago, I married your Dad.
What a crazy, wild roller coaster ride this has been! It has not always been easy, but God has blessed our marriage in so many ways, namely in the three little blessings that God has chosen to give us.
I could go on and on, making this one of the mushiest posts ever, but that is not really your dad and me. Don't get me wrong; I love your Daddy very much, and I am all about the mushy stuff.
But what your dad and I have is built on something so much bigger than that. We have chosen to make a lifetime covenant between each other and our Heavenly Father. The love that comes from such a bond flows much deeper than heart flutters and daydreams.
I am so thankful that our marriage is based on commitment, trust, friendship, and love. Your dad and I are free to be ourselves, but we strive to be the best version of ourselves for each other - and for you, Andrew, and Jack.
We will never be perfect, and we will never see eye-to-eye on everything. So you may hear "discussions" and "arguments" from time to time, but I want you and your brothers to remember that the foundation that our family is built upon is firm. And we will do everything through God's strength and faithfulness to keep our home built and focused on Him.
So, little one, I want you to rest in the fact that I love your papa more than I ever thought possible. As I watch him playing with your two brothers, I can't help but imagine that in a few years, you get to join in the fun and craziness of time with daddy.
And that, baby, makes me one happy and thankful Mama!
Little One,
Eleven years ago, I married your Dad.
What a crazy, wild roller coaster ride this has been! It has not always been easy, but God has blessed our marriage in so many ways, namely in the three little blessings that God has chosen to give us.
I could go on and on, making this one of the mushiest posts ever, but that is not really your dad and me. Don't get me wrong; I love your Daddy very much, and I am all about the mushy stuff.
But what your dad and I have is built on something so much bigger than that. We have chosen to make a lifetime covenant between each other and our Heavenly Father. The love that comes from such a bond flows much deeper than heart flutters and daydreams.
I am so thankful that our marriage is based on commitment, trust, friendship, and love. Your dad and I are free to be ourselves, but we strive to be the best version of ourselves for each other - and for you, Andrew, and Jack.
We will never be perfect, and we will never see eye-to-eye on everything. So you may hear "discussions" and "arguments" from time to time, but I want you and your brothers to remember that the foundation that our family is built upon is firm. And we will do everything through God's strength and faithfulness to keep our home built and focused on Him.
So, little one, I want you to rest in the fact that I love your papa more than I ever thought possible. As I watch him playing with your two brothers, I can't help but imagine that in a few years, you get to join in the fun and craziness of time with daddy.
And that, baby, makes me one happy and thankful Mama!
Monday, August 02, 2010
Random Things, Part 3
3. Our House is beginning to look like a baby will live here soon!
The crib is all set up.
The teeny tiny clothes are washed and folded. (Thanks, Aunt Lisa and Grandma Donna!)
The Pack N Play is ready to be set up downstairs.
The cloth diapers are all sorted out in their sizes and stacks.
The car seat is ready to be installed in the van.
Mommy's bag is almost packed.
I finished sewing your receiving blankets yesterday, and I am trying to finish your burp cloths, quilt, and crocheted blanket.
So, what is still left to do? Well, first and foremost we probably need to get serious and decide on a name for you!
Here are some of the names Mommy and Daddy have been thinking about:
Luke (Daddy doesn't like this one at all, but it is still one of my favorites, so I had to include it on this list!)
Isaac
Gabriel
Joel
Samuel
Andrew still would like to name you Zacheus, but we assured him that you will not always be a "wee little man in mommy's tummy" and that you may need a different name.
Jack likes the names Isaac, Eli, Joshua, and Caleb.
Rest assured that by the time we get ready to take you home, we WILL have a name picked out for you!
As we get the final things in the house ready for your arrival, my mind is often pondering you.
What will you look like?
How will you act?
How big will you be?
When will you decide to come? (BTW: give me at least another week and a half, okay, buddy?)
As I think about all these things, I can't help but imagine in my mind a perfect little round face with a splotch of dark hair, and a tiny fist curled up to your perfect little cheek.
But you know what, little guy? If you end up being completely different from that mental image, it's okay. We will love you, no matter what.
So as I continue to ponder these little questions and finish the last-minute items on our list, I will be waiting for the moment that I can hold you close and whisper in your little ear,
"Momma loves you!"
The crib is all set up.
The teeny tiny clothes are washed and folded. (Thanks, Aunt Lisa and Grandma Donna!)
The Pack N Play is ready to be set up downstairs.
The cloth diapers are all sorted out in their sizes and stacks.
The car seat is ready to be installed in the van.
Mommy's bag is almost packed.
I finished sewing your receiving blankets yesterday, and I am trying to finish your burp cloths, quilt, and crocheted blanket.
So, what is still left to do? Well, first and foremost we probably need to get serious and decide on a name for you!
Here are some of the names Mommy and Daddy have been thinking about:
Luke (Daddy doesn't like this one at all, but it is still one of my favorites, so I had to include it on this list!)
Isaac
Gabriel
Joel
Samuel
Andrew still would like to name you Zacheus, but we assured him that you will not always be a "wee little man in mommy's tummy" and that you may need a different name.
Jack likes the names Isaac, Eli, Joshua, and Caleb.
Rest assured that by the time we get ready to take you home, we WILL have a name picked out for you!
As we get the final things in the house ready for your arrival, my mind is often pondering you.
What will you look like?
How will you act?
How big will you be?
When will you decide to come? (BTW: give me at least another week and a half, okay, buddy?)
As I think about all these things, I can't help but imagine in my mind a perfect little round face with a splotch of dark hair, and a tiny fist curled up to your perfect little cheek.
But you know what, little guy? If you end up being completely different from that mental image, it's okay. We will love you, no matter what.
So as I continue to ponder these little questions and finish the last-minute items on our list, I will be waiting for the moment that I can hold you close and whisper in your little ear,
"Momma loves you!"
Monday, July 26, 2010
Random Things, Part 2
2. Our Not-So-Perfect Life.
Dearest Little One,
I have to laugh at all the little baby commercials where the mommy is a perfect size 6 with beautiful hair and makeup, cuddling her perfectly beautiful newborn baby. Her life seems like perfect bliss, and the maternal instinct of all women of child-bearing age kicks in.
What makes that perfect moment so funny? Because it is just that: perfect. And sweetie, that will NEVER happen here!
There will be many times in the next few months where Mommy is at my wit's end. Believe me, it happened when both your brothers were newborns. The combination of a recovering body (NOT a size 6), a tired mommy and daddy, rambunctious boys, and a crying newborn will soon be the norm in this household.
But, call me crazy, I am kind of looking forward to those moments, because it will be a part of life, the life that God has called me to. And you know what? I wouldn't change a thing.
I love my God. I love my church. I love my husband. I love my boys. I love my family. I love my friends.
I am blessed, and I cannot wait to hold you, my littlest blessing.
So, even though our life will not be perfect, you will forever be a part of it, because God has chosen to place you in our family.
And I, for one, am grateful.
Dearest Little One,
I have to laugh at all the little baby commercials where the mommy is a perfect size 6 with beautiful hair and makeup, cuddling her perfectly beautiful newborn baby. Her life seems like perfect bliss, and the maternal instinct of all women of child-bearing age kicks in.
What makes that perfect moment so funny? Because it is just that: perfect. And sweetie, that will NEVER happen here!
There will be many times in the next few months where Mommy is at my wit's end. Believe me, it happened when both your brothers were newborns. The combination of a recovering body (NOT a size 6), a tired mommy and daddy, rambunctious boys, and a crying newborn will soon be the norm in this household.
But, call me crazy, I am kind of looking forward to those moments, because it will be a part of life, the life that God has called me to. And you know what? I wouldn't change a thing.
I love my God. I love my church. I love my husband. I love my boys. I love my family. I love my friends.
I am blessed, and I cannot wait to hold you, my littlest blessing.
So, even though our life will not be perfect, you will forever be a part of it, because God has chosen to place you in our family.
And I, for one, am grateful.
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